Pendulum Dance

I wrote this poem during the Power of Language workshop , lead by poet Kayo Chingonyi , as part of the Acts of Rebellion event so beautifully organized by October Gallery Education

At school I was
Neither Blonde, nor blue eyed
and butter melted in my mouth.
Could not blend nor fit in
So I decided to be bad.
It caused me conflict
That pendulum dance
Between being very god
And very bad.
Spit, bite, curse, kick
“Such and angry little girl!”
Dishonored many
Of the Commandments.
No one would recognize me
On the first day of May
Bringing flowers to the Virgin
Writing notes to the almighty
Swearing to atone for my sins
Family tragedies guilty
Burdens on my shoulders
Or later crying my eyes out
In the middle of a party
Because boys danced
With...guess...
Blue eyed girls
Girls with tameable hair
Girls with sweet voices
With perfect smiles
Girls who didn’t swear
or smoked pot
In the dark.
And so I grew to learn and master
The Pendulum Dance
Unashamedly me...
Sometimes
In fact I’ve apologized all my life
Black among Whites
White among Blacks
Finally free
From The influence
Of macho seductive eyes
Fuck! I am who I am.

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